I have promised myself for some time that I would explore my ambivalence to Christmas. 1. It started with some of my earliest memories. The first Christmas I remember was when Mom and Dad took !my sister and I to a local department store to look at what we wanted for Christmas. When we looked at toys, filled up our cart, Mom took us out to the car. "Where's Dad?" I asked. "He took them to show Santa,, so he can bring them." That didn't compute. Even to a four year--old. 2. Santa had a half-hour show after school, during the Christmas season. He'd read letters and take calls from children. All of them from children in the Sioux City area. Doesn't Santa, hear from children all around the world, but he only reads those from Sioux City. Another thing didn't compute. 3. It may have been later that year, or the next, my sister and I were at my grandparents house. We were staying there because Mom was in the hospital. We didn't know s